Now I also have a PTSD diagnosis. That’s all I have to say about that for now.
I’ve learned something new about myself, which is really fascinating to me. Yesterday I got home so close to shutdown that I put in my noise-cancelling earbuds, and watched a kdrama. I realised after about a couple of hours of complete passivity, when my mind started sparking again, that my face was mirroring the faces on my tablet. Almost every movement in the faces of the actors was being reproduced on my face. I focused on my own face for a further hour, and realised it was mainly positive, attractive, warm expressions. Is my masking so seamless that when I don’t have the cognitive bandwidth to calculate what my face needs to do, I ape neurotypical faces in front of me and don’t even know I’m doing it?