I’m 52, going on 53. I’ve been on Ritalin for around three weeks, and the change when it hits is phenomenal. My whole demeanour apparently changes. My entire family has been gobsmacked by the change. What has interested me has been the high I get from completing tasks. I actually feel euphoric when I’ve done something to my own satisfaction. My emotional dysregulation is hugely improved too. As you might imagine, this has made my job even more enjoyable, and I’m sure it makes me much easier to be around.
My performance in the IVA2 CPT is radically flipped from hugely sub-normal, to, on some measures, super-normal, but other-wise generally normal. My worst medicated measures are those that are hearing-based, which makes sense.
I still can’t read between the lines, tell the difference between different emotional responses, outside of their polarity, or modulate my own vocal tone instinctively. It still takes huge amounts of bandwidth to mask. The upside is that I have more available energy during the day to manage this, though. I’ve given up on trying to unmask at this point. It’s so habitual that I actually forget to shed my smiles and inflections, and I have more important things to deal with right now.
Like how much more positive I feel. On the whole, my quality of life has improved drastically. I’m less upset by my lack of upstanding of or from others, my imposter syndrome fades out, I’m more tolerant of things that used to be problems, and most of the time my affect is positive, so long as I’m on the Ritalin. This is hugely important to me, because when I think of my life pre-Ritalin, it seems dark, desaturated, pain-wracked, and incredibly overwhelming. I have lived in that world for half a century, but now, with the swallowing of a pill, I step into this new existence.
The flip-side are the crash after the Ritalin has been metabolised, and the traits it doesn’t alter. When the drug has left my system I become intensely fatigued, much less resilient, and much more unstable, emotionally. My intellect is still there, but I just don’t have the bandwidth to tap into it, and deal with anything else that’s going on.
My sensory issues are still terrible, but noise-cancelling earbuds or headphones have made life much smoother, and less overwhelming. Without them I am constantly on the brink of meltdown while driving, working, shopping, and just being in a crowd. I can’t believe I didn’t try these years ago. They’re now a vital part of my toolkit, for living as a functional adult.
I have found a third downside with the use of Ritalin. It makes me queasy. Sometimes it’s so bad I feel that vomiting is imminent, and at best I feel nauseous. The next step is trying another ADHD medication, for which I have an appointment this coming week.